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I’ve noticed three categories that Japanese horror films fall into: the “more melancholy and uber depressing than scary” category (Parasite Eve), the “scare the viewer into a quivering mass of jelly” category (Ringu), and the hilarious and puposefully goofy “gross out Mallrats gone bad” category (Biozombie). “St. Johns Wort” defines a new category of terror in the Japanese horror arena: the “I want the 85 minutes of my life that this unscary, boring piece of kuso sucked away from me” category.
What’s It About?
A young woman named Nami, separated from her family at the age of two, has inherited her lunatic father’s mansion. Nami travels to the mansion to check it out with her videogame designer friend, Kohei, who has many gadgets in tow to get some ideas for a new videogame.
The Single BIGGEST THING Wrong with this Movie
Sorry, I can’t pick just one this time. You’ll know there’s something very wrong the first time you see the cheesy CG house from the outside during the first 10 minutes of the film. You’ll then start to realize the trouble you’re in when Kohei’s friends at the game studio map out the mansion on their PC based on Kohei’s DV footage and tell him about the existence of a “secret room.” You see, Kohei somehow managed to transfer all the footage he shot of the not so creepy house from his DV camera to his Powerbook, and then emailed it to his buddies at his studio. What the hell laptop battery is he using on that Powerbook? And then you have to ask – what’s with the electricity in this abandoned house? Every room is dark and there’s no light after nightfall, so what’s powering the hidden security camera system in the house? Insert long, boring shots of dusty rooms to jerky handheld DV footage, and then back again. The director was obviously attempting a filming style remotely like “The Blair Witch Project” with no success. Then there’s the ending, which tries to make the viewer question “was it a movie? or just a videogame after all? or a movie about making a videogame about the movie, but the videogame is the movie?”
The Single BIGGEST THING “Right” with this Movie
This part’s easy – Toko, the perky “game designer chick” back at the studio. She’s cute and energetic, and sadly underused. If you are still considering watching this movie, think about this for a moment…a secondary character that is onscreen for under 10 minutes total is the best thing about St. Johns Wort.
Should You Go See It?
Only if your idea of a good time is watching movies that are bad in a “melt your brain by watching Green Acres reruns for 12 hours straight” kind of way. (In other words, NO.)
What Would I Do, If I Were In This Film?
Go on a murderous rampage and kill off all the main characters, just to make things more interesting.
There I was at my local video store, hoping a film advertised as being “From the Producer of Ringu!” would be worthwhile. If you get the same adventurous urge that I did, pick up “Dark Water” or “The Eye” instead. “St. Johns Wort” tries to be a horror film styled like a videogame about a movie about making a scary videogame. If my DVD player had a reset button like my PS2 does, I would have poured acid on this perfectly good waste of a DVD and then thrown it in the microwave on high.
Comments and feedback, as always, is welcome.
Haha someone who’s seen Biozombie! Best horror flick ever.
I didn’t find Ringu that scary (possibly I’ve watched too much anime), though I did enjoy it very much. I particularly liked the photos. Talking about the original Japanese version here, the Hollywood remake was so boring I didn’t get through it.
Hey, what’s wrong with Green Acres?
Green Acres is great, but if you watch more than 4 in a row you can literally feel your brains oozing into your inner ear. At 6 hours your grey matter is hanging from your ears, and at 12 hours you start trying to use it to make origami.
Biozombie is one of my all time fave zombie films. If I had a twin in Japan, it would be Bee from Biozombie with his Game Boy Camera. Ringu is the king, but make sure you try Dark Water and The Eye too. There is an American remake of Dark Water in the works, with Jennifer Connelly as the lead. See the original before your first impression is of the remake.
Yeah, St. Johns Wort isn’t too great, though it has an interesting color scheme to it in the beginning. But if you want scary look for JU-ON 1/2, or Kairo (aka Nightmare). Those are the scariest films I have ever seen, and they are Japanese.
Really you liked “The Eye”? I mean compared to Ringu or even (dare I say it) the U.S. version of The Ring , the eye was not scary to me at all. I mean I didn’t fall asleep or anything but it was not that scary.
The weirdest creepiest import movie I ever watched was the one where that girl dresses in leather and then murders that whole family (including the dog) and while she is stabbing the guy in the eye she always says something about “kitty kitty kitty”. You know the one….where the creepy movie director is screening girls just to date them, And their is that horrible scene of the dude eating his own vomit in a bag, anyone know what the hell I am talking about? LOL.
Without giving anything away, I liked The Eye because of how well the characters were fleshed out, and particularly because I felt the strong emotion of the main character’s “epiphany” during the biggest effects scene. That was a really powerful scene for me.
The weirdest creepiest import movie I ever watched was the one where that girl dresses in leather and then murders that whole family (including the dog)…
That film is Audition. I know she isn’t saying “kitty”, but I don’t remember what she is saying.
Audition! Brilliant dude, and thanks. Yeah I know it’s not Kitty Kitty Kitty but imagine her saying that as she puts a needle in someone’s eye and I am sure it makes the whole situation a lot funnier to watch = )